Roast Alla Maddalena

• Roast Alla Maddalena

  

  Photo by José Ignacio Pompé on Unsplash

  Yields:

  Enough to feed a small army, or a family with very large appetites

  Prep time:

  20 minutes (or however long it takes you to find the garlic powder).

  Cook time:

  1.5-2 hours (plus 30 minutes of "resting," which is code for "I need a nap"

  Tools:

  • Cutco 9-3/4" Slicer: For slicing the roast into beautiful, Instagram-worthy slices.

  • Cutco Carving Fork: To hold that beast of a roast steady while you slice.

  • Cutco 7-1/2" Vegetable Knife: For all that tedious chopping of vegetables.

  • Cutco Mix-Stir: To make sure your gravy isn't lumpy, because nobody likes lumpy gravy

  Ingredients:

  • 3-pound rump roast (because apparently, we're fancy).

  • 1 tablespoon garlic powder (because vampires).

  • 1 teaspoon kosher salt (because we're not savages).

  • ½ teaspoon black pepper (because balance).

  • 3 tablespoons olive oil (because it's healthy-ish).

  • 1 red onion, sliced

  • 2 yellow onions, sliced (because we need more onions).

  • ½ (1-pound) bag baby carrots (because we're too lazy to peel full-sized ones).

  • 7 medium potatoes, peeled and halved.

  • 5 ounces Gravy Master® (because we're not making gravy from scratch, let's be real).

  • 4 cups lukewarm water (because we're not animals).

  • 3 sprigs fresh oregano (because we're feeling Mediterranean).

  • Small bunch fresh parsley (because it's green).

  • 1-2 tablespoons cornstarch (because gravy should be thick, not watery).

  • Water (for cornstarch slurry, because science)

  The Rubdown:

  • In a bowl, mix the garlic powder, salt, and pepper.

  • Rub it all over the roast, like you're giving it a massage (a flavorful one).

  The Searing Spectacle:

  • Heat 2 tablespoons of olive oil in a large stockpot (the bigger, the better).

  • Sear the roast on all sides until it's brown and beautiful (or at least brown).

  • Remove the roast, and try not to eat it yet.

  • Add the remaining olive oil, then the sliced onions. Sauté until they're soft and translucent.

  • Add the carrots and potatoes.

  • The Gravy Flood:

  • Place the roast on top of the vegetables.

  • Mix the Gravy Master® and water in a bowl.

  • Pour it over everything, adding more water if needed (because we're not trying to make pot roast jerky).

  • Tie your herbs together, and throw them in.

  • Bring it to a boil, then simmer for 1.5 to 2 hours (or until the meat is tender and you're starving).

The Rest Period (aka Nap Time):

• Remove the roast and let it rest for 30 minutes.

• Remove the vegetables, so they don't overcook.

Gravy Alchemy:

• Return the liquid to the stove.

• Mix cornstarch and water in a bowl.

• Pour it into the liquid, stirring constantly, until it thickens (like your patience).

Slicing and Serving (Finally!):

• Slice the roast with your Cutco 9-3/4" Slicer, using the carving fork.

• Serve with the vegetables and gravy.

• Try to act surprised when everyone raves about how good it is!

Additional Notes:

• Feel free to add other vegetables, if you're feeling adventurous (or if you have vegetables that are about to go bad).

• Adjust the seasoning to your liking (because we all have different levels of saltiness).

• Enjoy, and try not to think about the dishes.